Thought we could do with a good laught

[heather]

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.


enjoy

[harding51]

That was wonderful - thanks for the memories! Hope you are doing well!

[heather]

Hi harding 51

we are fine
hope you are having a good day
God Bless

[Drew Saunders]

I was sent this joke via email a few weeks ago. I hope I'm not skating on thin ice with this one. Doubtless llianna will scold me is she feels it is one bad taste. Bearing in mind I have had PD for 8 years. OK hear goes :-

Bert and Jane live in an old folks home. They become good friends and eventually Bert persuades Jane to go back to his room with him and they have a "fumble" with each other (being of a certain age that is all they can manage). This goes on for months.
Then out of the blue Bert drops Jane like a hot potatoe and is seen with another lady called Liz who is spending her evenings with Bert in his room.
Jane is rightly put out about the situation and confronts Bert. Jane asks what Liz has got that she does not.
Bert replies...............Parkinson's!

Oh God I hope I have not offended anyone

[MargieB]

Originally Posted by heather

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.


enjoy

Oh Heather,

Your mom must have known my mom . It brought back such memories. I laughed so hard that my sides ached. BOY DID THAT FEEL GREAT! I'm still sitting here smiling like a chesire cat. Grinning from ear to ear. Thanks so much for taking the time to type all of it out for us. I'm going to save it and whenever I need a cheer me up, it is one of the things I will look at.

Keep 'em coming.

Margie

[heather]

Hi Margie
so glad it cheered you up
my friend sent it me, so i copied and pasted it , hence no spelling mistakes , i have lot's so will post them over a few days

[heather]

Originally Posted by Drew Saunders

I was sent this joke via email a few weeks ago. I hope I'm not skating on thin ice with this one. Doubtless llianna will scold me is she feels it is one bad taste. Bearing in mind I have had PD for 8 years. OK hear goes :-

Bert and Jane live in an old folks home. They become good friends and eventually Bert persuades Jane to go back to his room with him and they have a "fumble" with each other (being of a certain age that is all they can manage). This goes on for months.
Then out of the blue Bert drops Jane like a hot potatoe and is seen with another lady called Liz who is spending her evenings with Bert in his room.
Jane is rightly put out about the situation and confronts Bert. Jane asks what Liz has got that she does not.
Bert replies...............Parkinson's!

Oh God I hope I have not offended anyone

Hi Drew
hope you are well

if you/we can't laugh PD who can,I thought it was funny

[Pauline]

Heather I loved it I am still laughing I am going to save it and show my daughter so she can have a good laugh to Pauline

[Pauline]

Thanks for the laugh I loved it Pauline

[heather]

Joke:Speed Trap
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."