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Humor and Laughter Share your jokes and funny stories and brighten someone's day (clean jokes only please).

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  #1  
Old June 26th, 2008, 01:09 PM
Drew Saunders Drew Saunders is offline
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Location: Letham village Angus Scotland
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Default A cautionery tale

<DIV dir=ltr><DIV class=Section1><DIV><DIV>
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Irish Boy's Confession[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']The priest asks, 'Is that you, Dicky?'[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']'Yes, Father, it is.'[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']'And who was the girl you were with?'[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']'Well, Dicky, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']may[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']as well tell me now. [/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Was it Mary Walsh?'[/font][FONT='Arial','sans-serif']'I cannot say.'[/font]<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">

Last edited by Drew Saunders : June 26th, 2008 at 01:26 PM. Reason: I do not know why but it has not come out correctly please ignore
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  #2  
Old June 26th, 2008, 02:04 PM
Pauline Pauline is offline
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Location: Roseneath ont Canada
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Default Re: A Lawyer

A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling.
The brother said "What should we do?"
The lawyer said "I'm gonna run for it."
The brother said "You can't outrun a mountain lion!"
The lawyer said "I don't have to outrun HIM-- I only have to outrun YOUPauline
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  #3  
Old June 26th, 2008, 02:08 PM
Pauline Pauline is offline
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Default Re: A cautionery tale

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.Pauline
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  #4  
Old June 26th, 2008, 07:48 PM
Gail Gail is offline
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Location: Sacramento
Posts: 417
Default Re: A Lawyer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pauline View Post
A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling.
The brother said "What should we do?"
The lawyer said "I'm gonna run for it."
The brother said "You can't outrun a mountain lion!"
The lawyer said "I don't have to outrun HIM-- I only have to outrun YOUPauline
This is too funny. I tell my sister this very thing when we go hiking.
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  #5  
Old June 26th, 2008, 08:07 PM
Pauline Pauline is offline
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Location: Roseneath ont Canada
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Default Re: A cautionery tale

Did you hear about the rich Arab who bought a herd of cows?
He became a milk sheikh.

Did you hear about the man who listened to the match?
He burnt his ear.

Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?
The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.

Did you hear about the young man who got really worried when his nose kept growing until it was eleven inches long?
He thought it might turn into a foot.

Did you hear about the florist who had two children?
One is a budding genius and the other one is a blooming idiot.

Did you hear about the mad scientist who crossed a parrot with an alligator?
It bit off his arm and said, 'who's a pretty boy then?'


Did you hear about the musical ghost?


you hear about the woman who was so ugly she could make yogurt just by staring at a glass of milk for an hour?

Did you hear about the farmer's boy who hated working in the country?
He went to London and got a job as a shoe-shine boy. So the farmer made hay while the son shone.

Did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no" anytime someone asks them a question?
No.
Oh, it's you!
He wrote haunting melodies.Pauline
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  #6  
Old June 27th, 2008, 12:08 PM
heather heather is offline
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Location: North Wales UK
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Default Re: A cautionery tale


like that
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Heather

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends will leave footprints in your heart.

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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