rules of life

[Drew Saunders]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you Fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things just get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[Diane]

All too true, Drew. But I especially laughed at #7, 9, 16 and 20.
Thanks.
Diane

[heatherwilmot]

Drew from Heather (Prill)
Trying to send you a congratulations on the many 'funnies' you have posted. finding it hard work.
You are a person after my own heart. Lianne has just advised that laughter is as good if not better than pills. I must agree, I have a very warped sense of humour and can usually find a joke in most things. Fell over yesterday and could not get up, so lay there for a while, it was on the bedroom floor not the High Street! Had my rest a little early. Anyway nothing broken and I felt okay afterwards. Trouble is when you laugh you usually cannot do anything anyway, so lying there was the only option!
thanks again for your jokes and lovely stories and 'thoughts for the day.

Originally Posted by Drew Saunders

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you Fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things just get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[heatherwilmot]

re: No. 17

I was asked once if my teeth and tongue were frightened in the dark, I can't imagine what they meant!

[joy]

Hi Drew, the English sense of humour never lets you down even when you are in a difficult position. Such as trying to cross a busy road when your medication has run out. Life ain't easy but some times it is . . . . . . impossible. Thank you for making me laugh. I look forward to your next edition. Bye for now. Joy

[heather]

Hi Drew
Thank you needed a good laugh

[Gail]

Hi Drew,

I too look forward to your humor. At the end of a busy day, it is nice to have a good laugh. Gail

[Clair Bear]

Hi,
I loved #15 - A closed mouth gathers no foot - a hate gossip!
Brilliant - I shall share this with others
Regards

[heather]

Hi Clair
I like that
it's a little like PD
we all like to sit on that safe stair , be it someone with PD or as a carer
Thank you

[Drew Saunders]

Originally Posted by joy

Hi Drew, the English sense of humour never lets you down even when you are in a difficult position. Such as trying to cross a busy road when your medication has run out. Life ain't easy but some times it is . . . . . . impossible. Thank you for making me laugh. I look forward to your next edition. Bye for now. Joy

Joy I do not mean to be pedandict but I am Scottish by birth but if you had been brought up in Scotland you need a sense of humour just to get through the weather never mind anything else. You would need at least 2 weeks in the West Indies just to become white instead of the bluish white the Scots' normally have! To get through adversity a keen sense of humour is essential. For the record i was born in Aberdour - which sounds Welsh - but is in fact in the Kingdom of Fife.
Drew