Morning smile

[Drew Saunders]

No explanation required

<FONT size=2><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"> NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any more,

'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly.

'In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'

[heather]

[Pauline]

Drew Just what I needed a good laugh I love this corner I check it out every day just to have a laugh keep it up you jock teller it is what we need I am no good at telling jokes but I love to hear them I usuallly for get the punch line Pauline

[heather]

[heather]

Originally Posted by heather

[heather]

[heather]

Think this should be our LOGO

[Pauline]

Ounce again you made me laugh and it feels so good mind you John come running in from the other room thinking some thing is wrong then he laughs at me so we get a double laugh Pauline

[heather]

that is great, hope he doesn't think we are mad

[heather]

B & Q JOB APPLICATION




This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....





NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)



SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)



DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?



DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.



EDUCATION: Yes.



LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.



PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.



MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.



REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.



HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.



PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.



DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.



MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?



DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?



DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"



HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.



DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!

On my breaks - yes!



WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big ************ and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.



NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles



DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.



***Old People Rock!***